Putting my guard down...

Some of this is going to be hard for me to write, as I am still working through all of this in my head and dealing with it on a personal level.

My heart is going to be in Afghanistan (or Iraq, but it's leaning more towards Afghanistan). And by that I mean, Cory is going through the processes with 2 different companies as we speak.

With the economy the way it is, jobs have been harder than imagined to find around here and while my field is in demand, Cory's is currently not. We are hoping a miracle will happen and he can stay here and stay with Westminster Fire and we can continue to have each other to come home to each night but the two full time positions we though could possibly come open there will not be coming open anytime soon. He'll be gone 120 days the first go around before he comes home on R&R in which we're trying to plan a wedding for one of his R&Rs. The hard part? I might get told he's coming home on this day when something happens and pushes it back to another day... not so efficient for wedding planning. We'll be married before he goes though as we'll have a small little ceremony. I won't always know which FOB he's on as some of them I can't even know about. Skype will be my best friend and my cell phone will never leave my side. I do not see how MilWives do this.. I officially have a new found respect. One of his R&Rs him and I will meet outside of the country due to tax laws and we're thinking Dublin so that's my light within the tunnel I guess. Plus, I get to marry my best friend, my hero a little earlier than planned. But overall, I am scared, anxious and ready to just get this over with so that I can begin our life, our family with my partner. I won't speak for Cory on this but I am sure you can only imagine what he's going through. He's going to get fingerprinted tomorrow for his security clearance, this is the process that will take the longest. After that I have a bad feeling everything will go quickly so I only pray that  the people processing the clearance take their time in giving it to him.

The biggest thing is, I. Will. Need. You. Guys. Wow, that was tough to write but I know I can't deal with this alone. CNN, MSNBC, FoxNews and any other news will be my enemy and I will need my girls (and guys) for those times I freak out wondering if who I'm reading about is the love of my life. Last night we were watching some 9/11 stuff on National Geographic and I about flipped when the video of the contractor being killed came on. I will be strong, I know he needs me to be but I am not going to lie and say this will be the easiest. I plan on having my own countdown until the last day of his contract and let me tell you, when he gets home we're going to celebrate and celebrate big.

So... on a different note, how things are going now. We got new furniture from my wonderful dad and spent yesterday rearranging the house. The master bedroom looks great, it looks huge! and our living room looks so much more open and comfy. I love it. So thanks dad! Today my wreath I won comes in so I cannot wait to see that on my door. Julie, the owner of Wreaths With Love, did an awesome job on it! Now for some more painting around the townhouse. I took my first unit exam last night and made an 85, I was so proud. Religion isn't the easiest class so I was pretty happy about that grade. Today I have a logic exam and next week my first lab exam in Anatomy and Physiology II. College is busy busy busy but I can't wait to start nursing school!!

I am hitting up the fitness hardcore this next month, my goal is by the time Cory's first R&R comes around to have lost 40lbs. I'll update you guys :). I've been sick with a kidney infection so I haven't really felt up to doing any working out needless to say.

So that's about it, updates soon, in fact updates more than I have been doing now that school is started and going and I am working less.

B

p.s. A post about our wonderful weekend soon, I promise as I am off the next 3 nights.